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Old 01-19-2003, 02:51 PM   #1
Quentin
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Default Having a bad day?

A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "That's strange," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, then pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream. The doctor then asks, "You're not really a redhead, are you?" "No," she says, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."Hope you feel better....

There was a case in one hospital's Intensive Careward where patients always died in the same bed,on Sunday morning, at about 11 A.M., regardlessof their medical condition. This puzzled thedoctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11 A.M. on Sundays. So a Worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11 A.M., all doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11:00... Pookie Johnson, The part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner. Still Having a Bad Day?

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both. Still think you are having a bad day?

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Sony Walkman. STILL think you're having a bad day?

Two animal rights protesters were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two hopeless protesters were trampled to death. What?! STILL having a bad day?

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. There now, feeling better?
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Old 01-19-2003, 03:30 PM   #2
Igota
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Hahaahahha, I love reading about stupid people sometimes. Almost always makes me feel soooooo much better about the few mistakes I make.
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Old 01-19-2003, 09:58 PM   #3
Andredien
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I think this came from another thread on this board, can't seem to find it though.

When you're having a bad day, do this:
1. On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section.

2. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by "Johnson and Johnson." Be very sure you get this brand.

3. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone, so you will not be disturbed during your therapy.

4. Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a tracksuit and lie down on your bed.

5. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken.

6. Take out the material that comes with the thermometer and read it. You will notice that in small print there is a statement: "Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested."

7. Now close your eyes and repeat out loud five times: "I am so glad I do not work for quality control at the Johnson and Johnson."
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