Erollisi Marr - The Nameless

Go Back   Erollisi Marr - The Nameless > NON EQ Stuff (Real life, other games, etc.) > Funny Stuff


Reply
 
Add/Share Add/Share Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-20-2003, 06:55 PM   #1
Daeth
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 72
Default ARMAGEDDON!!!! (NOT work friendly)

*Warning* Based on the subject material, this topic is not work friendly. The humor is a bit twisted, but I swear I almost cried laughing.


















This is an actual article from the LA Times...

"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomazewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burn Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomazewski and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.

"I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in.", he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon', my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."

At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out of the tubing, igniting Mr. Tomazewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball. Tomazewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.

Editor's Notes : Top Ten Scariest Things About This Story

10. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum ...."

9. "So I peered in to the tube ...".(I'm sorry, but that's like looking through a telescope into hell. I'd rather use binoculars to stare at the sun).

8. That poor gerbil (who obviously suffers from low self esteem) being shot out of a guy's ass like Rocky the Flying Squirrel on Rocky and Bullwinkle.

7. Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of someone's anus. I'm guessing, but I seriously doubt the gerbil was springtime fresh after his journey in Kiki's "tunnel of love."

6. People walking around with these volcanic-like pockets of gas in their rectums.

5. People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they were doing when taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would have made up a story about a gang of roving, pyromanical, anal sex fiends breaking into my house and sodomizing me with charcoal lighter fluid before admitting the truth. Call me old fashioned, but I just can't imagine looking at a doctor and saying "Well Doc, it's like this. You see, we have this gerbil named Raggot and we took a cardboard tube ..."

4. "First and second degree burns to the anus." Wouldn't this make the burning itch and discomfort of hemorrhoids a welcome relief ? How does one ever take a healthy dump after something like this? And the smell of a burning anus must in the top five most horrible scents on the face of God's green earth.

3. People names "Kiki" which is obviously a Polynesian word for "Idiotic white man who inserts rodents up his butt."

2. What kind of hospital would hold a press conference on this?

1. This happened in Salt Lake City. What kind of people are those Mormons? I am getting a whole new image of the Osmond family.
Daeth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-20-2003, 07:25 PM   #2
CrypteXY
Banned User
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Prison
Posts: 488
Send a message via AIM to CrypteXY
Hilarious. Poor gerbils.
CrypteXY is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-20-2003, 10:10 PM   #3
Azraelwrath
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 3,102
When I read this, I completely lost my respect for gay people, if I had any at all. Also, the potato being pulled out of a man's ass at www.rotten.com might have also contributed to this.
__________________
SOE Applicant: Here is my resume.
SOE Interviewer: It's half finished.
SOE Applicant: So are your products.
SOE Interviewer: You're hired.
Azraelwrath is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-22-2003, 05:40 PM   #4
Quilawan
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 37
http://www.this.thread.isgay.com/
Quilawan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-23-2003, 12:45 PM   #5
Fadien
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 84
1. This happened in Salt Lake City. What kind of people are those Mormons? I am getting a whole new image of the Osmond family.

You're assuming every person in Utah is mormon, while in truth, it is a majority, it isn't even close to being all of them.

Also, homosexuality is highly frowned upon in the mormon culture.
__________________
Fadien Freespirit

Druid of Tunare

*RETIRED*
Fadien is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-23-2003, 12:48 PM   #6
darue_ivywood
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 681
http://members.cox.net/darue_ivywood...Armageddon.wav
darue_ivywood is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 04:22 PM.


Powered by: vBulletin. Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.